Lighten-up with Baarns
Computer Virus
Author Unknown
BILL CLINTON VIRUS: Suddenly appears from nowhere, promises to upgrade all your applications, gains control of your computer, then totally corrupts your system for four years.
HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later in another directory.
O. J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system,but you just can't prove it.
PAT BUCHANNAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but complains loudly about foreign software.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in LA but your data is in Dallas.
COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything. Secretly you wish it would.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, then sends you a bill for $4,000.00.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by C.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Thier is sumthing rong with yur komputer, but ewe can't figyour outt watt.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 30 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up and the screen splits in half with the same message appearing on each side of the screen. The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.
PBS VIRUS: Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system where no virus has ever gone before.
AVOID COMPUTER VIRUSES -- PRACTICE SAFE HEX
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